The first thing that came to my mind for a first blog post was:
What would I want to read from my first blog post twenty years from now?
And I guess my response was: a monochrome picture of my face.
At first I thought it was pretty funny (which it is), but then I let it sink in for a bit.
Why does it matter what Future-Michael thinks about Present-Michael? And why a picture? Why am I obligated to respond to Future-Michael's older and wiser observation of myself as I write this?
I think the answer is something like: because it's inevitable.
One day I will look back at this post and see how far I've come. And the picture is a reminder of myself as I am right now. The mono has a way of making things seem nostalgic. Will I look at the past with fond memories or regret? I supposed what I'm trying to aim at is to make good memories for the future.
Memories are what we take with us as we grow old.
It's good to make good memories.
It's good to live with a clear conscience.
It's good to know I did my very best, despite the consequences.
Family and friends will come and go, but until our time is up, we will always live with ourselves.
Do you like looking at yourself in the mirror?
What do you see when you look at you?
Are you ashamed of yourself? Are you ashamed of the life you've lived?
Only you can answer that question, just like only I can answer that question for me.
If I'm being honest, I know I'm no saint.
Although I've spent some twenty years actively serving multiple local churches that eventually led me to leaving the faith of my birth to pursue the faith of my ancestors, I still sin. I still fall short of the glory of God. I am a sinner.
But what I've discovered in my thirty-two years of pursuing Christ is this: His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness towards me.
The ancient prayer of the Orthodox Church is a beautiful reminder of this truth:
Lord Jesus Christ
Son of the living God
Have mercy on me
A sinner
As I get older, I learn to become more and more merciful towards myself.
Slowly but surely, I begin to treat myself the way God treats me.
The more I see myself the way God sees me, the better I treat myself.
And the better I treat myself, the less likely I am to return to sin.
I grew up thinking I can just force my way towards God, that my sheer will power can bring me back into the Presence of God.
I was wrong, of course.
Today I know that more than me seeking God, God is actually seeking me.
It turns out that God has already provided mercy and grace towards me long before I've even asked for grace and mercy.
And my responsibility is this: to accept His gift with gratitude and humility.
From there, the gift I receive I can then freely give to others.
I slowly begin to treat others--to love others--the same way God has loved me.
My gratitude and humility towards Christ leads me to generosity towards those seeking Christ.
And everyone is seeking Christ, in one way or another. Jesus Christ--the Prince of Peace--is what we seek.
Everyone wants peace. (Unless they're Satan or one his demons.)
Everyone wants to live in peace, especially in the midst of their dysfunctional family.
Everyone wants to live in peace, especially after the betrayal of a loved one or a close friend.
Everyone wants to live in peace, especially when they're doing their very best and things just keep falling apart.
Everyone wants peace of mind. Everyone.
I think above all else, everyone wants to be at peace with themselves.
Because whether we're old and gray or young and adventurous, we all have to live with the consequences of our decisions.
We all have to live with ourselves. And there's no running away from that. You are always with you.
So the question is: do I want to be at war with myself? Or do I want to be at peace with myself?
"A house divided against itself cannot stand." -Jesus Christ
What decisions can my Present-Self make today that will make my Future-Self grateful, humble, generous, and peaceful?
Maybe that's a good place to start a blog.
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